


Reasons I am Grey and Balding, A Pennyworth

by GraceEliz



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Gen, Memoirs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 17:46:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19256101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraceEliz/pseuds/GraceEliz
Summary: Title:REASONS I AM GREY AND BALDINGA Memoir by Alfred PennyworthFrontispiece:Happy Birthday, my dear boy – Alfred, 19/2/2016First Print Edition 2016





	1. One: First Encounters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scottishwaitress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scottishwaitress/gifts).



> This was intended for the Young Bruce 'verse I'm working on, but Alfred took over and here we are.

On many occasions my grandchildren have requested a set of memoirs featuring the many and varied misadventures of Bruce, Tony, Lex and Harvey. Regretfully, several of these incidents are shrouded in mystery even to me, whilst still more are of the genre which shall not see the light of day until all parties involved have been dead and buried for six years at a minimum. As my darling granddaughter Cassandra pointed out to me, “Dad was silly,” which is undeniable, and she also told me I should “Tell more stories about it.” So here is a brief collection of short stories from the many years of my service in this family, dedicated to my boy Bruce.

* * *

**_First encounters  
_**   
My first view of Wayne Manor was in the bright afternoon sunlight of a September afternoon in 1973. The Manor was built in the style of the old English Lords’ homes, and I was certain it would be as luxurious inside as money could make. I hoped it wasn’t tacky as do many newer money homes were. The driver – back then, the house was fully staffed and open to the public once a month for touring – directed me to knock on the Main entrance on the East Face and wait for the current butler to open, and then give my name. I would be taken for a meeting with Thomas Wayne to assess my duties heading forwards and then meet his wife Martha. All their references said they were lovely people and a joy to work for, kind and generous. 

Carrying my suitcase up the stately steps to the imposing entryway was frankly one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life. I felt strangely young and somewhat cattywumpus, more than half expecting a familiar accent when the door opened. Instead I was met with the sort of American accent which made me want to slap someone. These impulses are far more controllable nowadays, but back then I was new to the country and the trade. The young woman grinned, welcoming me to Wayne Manor and bidding me set my case into a nook of the entry hall for a footman to ferry to my room before directing me into the library.

As I’d expected the library was as elegant and expansive as money and taste could make it. Cherry, mahogany, what looked like old black oak, such a myriad combination of shelves old and new bearing a dragon’s hoard of literature to the point that I would gladly have died in there of glee. The maid’s soft cough brought me out of my wondering reverie, indicating with her eyes towards a desk set in front on the North-facing windows with a view of the famed Wayne Gardens. All I could see was the broad back and dark hair of the man who I had no idea would become my dearest friend, as close as a brother, and whose wife I would love as much as I could love a sister. The maid gestured me to walk and introduce myself. A deep, bracing breath, “Mister Wayne? My name is Alfred Pennyworth.”

“Pennyworth! I’ve been awaiting your absence eagerly. Thank you Laura for showing him in.” Thomas’ voice carried all the booming kindness a doctor was capable of, his eyes sparking blue as the September sky behind him. His smile – so similar to Bruce’s, to Damian’s – seemed to be more genuine than anything I’d ever seen. Everything about him was careful to set you at ease, to make you trust him. Oh make no mistake: he did not intend it in a negative way. No, Thomas’ goal in life was to heal. Over the course of that interview this became obvious, and what became even clearer was that it would be an honour to serve in the Wayne household.

Thomas and I had, within an hour, established the root of a friendship which would last through squabbles, arguments, assassination attempts, Bruce’s first words, the infamous Jam Controversy of ’78, the fallout of Howard Stark and Martha which resulted in Maria and Tony Stark staying in the Manor for three months, and the day to day life of living with your best friends.

My introduction to Martha was marginally less professional, and we most certainly did not hit it off. As we left the library with the intent of raiding the kitchens for tea and cake, the shouting of a woman echoed down the halls. I eyed Thomas warily, unsure what exactly was occurring. He huffed abruptly. “My wife is pregnant,” he apologised without removing his gaze from the doorway they were cautiously approaching, “It is possible that she is….not taking it so well, currently.” I nodded. Pregnant women in my experience had been somewhat difficult to anticipate. Such changeability could make life awkward.

The doors flew open with such force that both Thomas and I startled backwards, my defensive reflexes kicking in. The woman the doors revealed – Martha Wayne herself – was snarling in temper, tears of what could only be fury glassing her bright chocolate eyes. She whirled upon her husband. “Don’t you even think about returning to our bed until this is sorted! It will not stand! Fix this, Thomas Wayne, or I swear down-” and with that final snarl she hissed at me and whipped out of the hall, heavy door slamming behind her. Left stunned in the wake of her hurricane personality, my two greatest impressions were of hair the same chestnut as polished conkers, and a forcefulness to rival that of a typhoon. A hell of a woman, that.

“Thank you, Alfred,” grinned Thomas, “I think we’re all going to get along wonderfully. Welcome to the family.”


	2. An Informative Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's (actual author not narrative voice) note

Hello to anyone who recieves and reads this update.  
This is just to say that I'm not happy with how I've written the story so far. The way I wrote Ch1 doesn't lend itself to the structural changes I later made, which is unfortunate because I love this story as a concept.

I'll be rewriting over the summer and hopefully I'll have enough finished by late September that I can set up a weekly (possible fortnightly) update schedule.  
As always I adore hearing your ideas and criticisms, so let me know what you want to see. Ta-ta for now.  
Grace-the-actual-author-not-the-narrative-voice


End file.
